A possibility

 I'm thinking about becoming a magazine writer... I could write about cooking, baking, fashion, travel, creativity, hipsters....add poems or whatever else... Or maybe as a headstart I could just blog about or in tiny sections inside magazines.

This should have been me.

I love orange tabbies.

http://msnbcmedia3.msn.com/j/msnbc/Components/Photos/071009/071009_catTrain_hmed_4p.grid-6x2.jpg

Is 58:8

  Then shall thy light break forth as the morning, and thine health shall spring forth speedily: and thy righteousness shall go before thee; the glory of the Lord shall be their rereward. 

  Today has begun exceedingly better. I am no longer empty as I was yesterday. Today, I found refuge in God and have been filled with his love and joy. I have been sitting here listening to my new CD's of Brandon Heath and have been reading two Bibles...haha. One is the NIV and one is KJV. I love how the King James version is written. Everything is so beautifully written.  I feel like I'm receiving the real thing ya know? Nothing is rewritten. Of course, thery Bible had to be converted from Greek and Hebrew to Latin THEN to English. But I still feel like I am receiving so much more than I could with the other version. Brandon Heath's songs soothen my soul as well. His tenor voice and his songs which each have such depth and their own story. Each one of his songs tells a different story about him, so I just want to immerse myself in each one! The angel of the Lord encamps around me..

Sometimes I wonder why it's so hard for me to confront my friends. Frankly, I hate analytical comments or remarks. For instance, if my friend splashes water on me, and I exclaim "You got me all wet!" and they reply with "No, the water did!", that just drives me crazy. It's funny and interesting for maybe the first FEW times, I'll give them that much. But oh. my. word. After a while, I can only 'chuckle' half-heartedly and somewhat smile so. many. times. What am I supposed to say after that when it is said 10 times? It is so annoying. I wish I could just walk up to these persons and just say "Please...stop". Perhaps, more discreetly, of course. Let's just cut down on the analyticism. It's not even sarcasm ya know? That's what they think it is. Ugh. I need to pray about it and really ask God for the right words. 
 By the way, merry Christmas everybody. Hopefully the day went well for everyone. I sort of wish I could say the same for me, except in truth, it didn't. After church, our friends invited us over for Christmas dinner (taking place on 1:00...uh-huuuhhhh) because we weren't meeting any family. Okay I admit, maybe Iwas being selfish, but I really, really was looking forward to a full day with just me and my family. Dad's at work all the time, and my sister's at school. Christmas, nobody was going to be anywhere. But, our parents felt keen on going, so Dad talked me into just staying for about two hours and how we'd try not to stay for the whole day. That made things better so I was actually somewhat looking forward to go. So we went... and left at 6:00. Ugh. I love the people we were with, because they are wholesome, wonderful people. But, their analyticism and physicality can be so overwhelming. I felt so overexposed. I really just wanted to leave after 3 hours, because A, Dad said we'd be out of there an hour ago, and B, all they wanted to do was 'joke' and hold our hands hostage. Now, I mean, they have no idea that what they're doing irritates me so, so it's not like I am mad. Just burnt out ya know? I just need distance now. But it's so hard for me to just tell people hey, look, please stop this... Like, it's not hard, but it's not easy. I feel that when I say it, I have a grip on the things I want to say, and then it all comes right out and I feel confident about it. But it's that high step of starting the conversation with "...............hey......there's something I need to say" or "......about that." . I just miss my friends back in VA. I didn't realize how much I'd actually miss VA. But I mean, we were there for practically six years, which is the longest place we've ever lived. Sure, in the remainder of the time we did live there, we lived in three differents houses, but it was still all in VA. Things are going great here in WA, but I don't know. It's inevitably different. Maybe I just need to blare some Brandon Heath, Sinatra, Mellencamp and Billy Joel. And some good ol' 80's rocknroll.  I hope that this entry doesn't look like some little girl typing to the world her vast variety of selfish obligations. I just had to get this off my chest. I've prayed to God about it of course, asking him to pour down His patience, tolerance, and joy down to me... which definitely worked because I was able to unwind after the whole ordeal. But, my phone mic is dead, so I can't call anyone, I have few best friends, two of which live in VA,and none here yet. Just sort of close-ish friends here. I might have a new one soon. Plus I was able to talk to Mom about this, but I don't know if I said everything I had to say just because I was still trying to unwind. I just wish this Christmas had gone better. This day comes once a year, and it started so, so well, but it just ended with me holding in tears because I was so tired and overexposed. Today should have been filled with sheer joy and praise to God, family gathering and social bonding. But I feel that I had too much social unbonding(I realize this isn't a word) and not enough family gathering... Maybe I just need a hug haha. ahh........ I don't know what to say anymore. This isn't a very organized entry but, it's what I'm feeling. I miss you guys. Your actual funniness and lack of need for such physical touch. Touch is not my love language, so it's hard for me to just have somebody come up and poke and tickle and all...that. Just hugs. Not even a lot. Hand shakes... High-fives. Miss those.  Goodnight.

Lighting of the Beacons

   Are you familiar with The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King's Lighting of the Beacons?  It's when the steward of Gondor refuses to call for aid when war is upon them, and so Gandalf sends Peregrine up to light the first beacon, so that the other linked beacons to Minas Tirith would thusly light their beacons and then Rohan would see and return their call for aid.  
  The light of the Lord is analagous to the lighting of the beacons.  Our light shines and we stand out like peaks of mountains as we spread the Word and show His joy and love down the roads we go, the more beacons we will see light and the more warriors for Christ will arrive for battle.

   I'm really starting to worry. I guess not "worry" per se, but curious. I used to be able to write poetry so easily... I mean, I don't say "easily"as in I would sit down one afternoon and by the end of the day have a poem written. Sometimes that was the case, but writing is something I can never rush or force upon myself. I'm already passionate about it, so why mentalize it as something I have to do?  Anyhow, I haven't written anything in such a long time... it's probably been one month, or maybe two. Every time I sit down, my mind all of a sudden shuts down on me. I start tihnking about other things, completely irrelevant to my original state of mind. Sometimes you have to be irrelevant, though... Sometimes you have to just sit down without any expectations and play it all by ear...or in this case, write it down as it comes before it becomes something forgotten.  I just really wish I could get back into my groove of writing.

I feel like doing nothing but watch Jar Jar Binks and Qui Gon Jinn

  Well today was an alright, very trying day.... I've had a head cold for a few days and today it felt like all of sudden BANG. Settled in cozy up there.  So I got done some writing and Biology, however I did not "get" to Math and History. Today my sickness has been altering my mood so there were a couple times where I had to completely pull myself aside in my head or step into another room and say "God, pour down some of your joy on me... I need this refresher. I need Your joy and Your patience so that I can be considerate and thoughtful towards others and not let my sick feelings control me." I'll say it helped... A lot. I tell you, it was harder than I would've originally thought... Because I mean, when you're sick, you're thinking about YOU and your current state. When I feel this way, usually I'll just want to vedge(?) ...do my own thing... but today... i don't know...I experienced having a cold differently than past times.